Thursday, May 30, 2013

LA Life: HEADLiNES

As much as life down here has been a dream (and it has been nothing short of it) the personal challenges i face head-on these days aren't always the easiest for me to get through. I used to shy away from personal challenges. I would keep my emotions to myself (except when they came out in anger outbursts) and using alcohol as tool to numb any emotions i didn't want to deal with. My life had gone through a 180' transition (from a wife & elementary school teacher who never moved away from her hometown) to a single lady living alone in a new city and living the LA life.
I was excited as hell, but i didn't have the easiest time with the transition. Bartenders and liquor store owners became some of my first friends down here. They were easy to get to know & i was eager to numb my growing pains. Trader Joe's had become my local drug dealer shelling out $4.00 bottles of wine that I could pick up without being judged too hard. Eating & sleeping took a back seat to my drinking habits.
I quickly gained the reputation of the Party girl (sans the drugs!) who had an open balcony and a fridge full of wine. Everyone knew where to go if they were lonely, felt like partying or wanted a glass of vino.
I was coping with change and wine became not only my best friend but it was also a means for me to meet real friends. I relied on it... HEAVILY.
























Not a day went by when I wasn't popping a bottles of champagne & wine. I think I took Drake too serious when he said "Drinkin every night because we drink to my accomplishments." Cuz I was literally "floating in and out of conciseness." I'm sure if you followed my twitter or Instagram you *MAY* have caught onto that...
Drinking has been an on and off crutch of mine since I first started drinking. But as head toward my 10th anniversary of being a legal drinker I am proud to say I believe my days of needing that crutch are on hold. I've had four beers this week. And DAMN that is a DRASTIC change.
Since I seriously slowed my drinking I have become more conscious of my actions. I have gotten back my desire to write & blog again. and I even my drive back to workout, eat and sleep (being heathy shall we say?).  I've even opened up my heart up to love again!
I feel like all the "Amber's" I've been over the years are slowly melding into the Best Amber i can be. You know, that dreamer who wants to conquer all her world.
I still have a TON of work to do on myself (but i am well aware that work will never stop!). But I am willing to do what it takes to get to where i want to be (you know making the HEADLiNES).
But I know I couldn't have had the strength and desire to change my ways without all my friends & fam that gave it to me Drake style, and let me know "i fell off, oh i needed that. And they want see me pick back up."
My family, friends and boyfriend expect nothing less then the best from me (and much as i fight it at it times) i know their push gives me all the drive I need to accomplish what i want. And let's face it i work best when people expect the BEST from me, let me make mistakes and give me their honest opinions. And when i fall off "They know, They Know, They Know...."

























And conquering goals like getting back into an intimate relationship (as well as knowing I am also capable being single & celibate for over a year) have been challenging but well worth the growth i have gained from facing those fears. Andy has been right there with me the past four months pushing me harder then i have been pushed in awhile and never holds back when i start slip. and I am more then grateful he came into my life and became my boyfriend! LOVE YOU BABE!

So here's to facing those challenges head on and celebrating life, love and accomplishments with more then bottles of champagne & wine! A conscious life is one that enjoyable and feels just as good as a buzz, and feels WAY better then a blackout.
Love you all and thanks for all your support!! 

Xoxo Amber

7 comments:

  1. So happy to hear you are making such positive changes. I live with a recovering alcoholic and his making that decision to turn his life around took a while, but he is now healthier and happier than he has been in many, many years. It is an ongoing process, but taking that first step to make a positive change is often the most challenging. I am so very proud of you and your decision to slow down and make these positive changes...wonderful to read the life coming into you. Best to you Amber. Please keep posting. You will be an inspiration to many.

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  2. and I was not implying that you are an alcoholic, just that it is a slippery slope and the line is easy to cross unless one checks themselves the way you have. Again, congrats.

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  6. Amber you're back! :-) I've been following your blog for such a long time and had unsubscribed from Bloglovin because you didn't post any more, so it's a coincidence that I checked just now - but I'm happy that I did!
    Good to see you are doing well, and looking forward to reading more updates from you!

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    Replies
    1. thank you SO much!!!! I'm trying to get back in it! xoox

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