Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Hi my name is Amber & I'm a Badass...

okay fine, i was gonna say I'm an alcoholic, but i like saying imma Badass better. Right? Anyway, I'm working on 51 days of sobriety and i think that qualifies for badass, if i do say so myself (if i do say so myself, i do say so myself…)

And being a badass has me feeling some type of way. And that way i feel isn't drunk, hungover or depressed  -- it's amazing.

So yeah, first question most people ask me is: "did anything bad happen to get me to this point of sobriety?" Now that's a trick question. No, there was no final big blow-out with alcohol that i had. I mean plenty of not-good things had happened during my 15 year drinking binge. But, in fact, I actually had a few amazing things happen to me that led to my epiphany that it was time to stop drinking.

One of them was attending a Nylon magazine party back in December that was Hosted by Demi Lovato. It was was a sober event and it got the wheels spinning in my head that maybe it was time for my first sober year since i was sixteen.

I'd been a weekend warrior, and a full time alcoholic and i was FINALLY getting bored of the cycle. I came to realize that if i wanted my dreams to come true; it was time to face life without a crutch or  a glass of liquid courage in my hand.

I realized that drinking & being an alcoholic was a choice i was making. I never thought to say no to drinking, or stop once i started. I was having fun drinking! Or more like i was convincing myself i was having fun, and convincing myself the depression i felt wasn't from drinking. Shit, I needed a drink to drink that sadness right away! Never once did i want to admit i was bringing this all upon myself by my own choice.

Okay, maybe i did had a voice in the back of my head that blamed the alcohol for the shitty ways i felt. The voice that hated me for waking up hungover, felt ashamed that the liquor store owners knew my drinking patterns, and that voice that wondered if i'd still be fun if i didn't drink.

Well let me tell you, as a self proclaimed BADASS, hell yeah i'm just as fun. Shit, i'm even more fun now. I hit the town harder then i ever have before. Hollywood clubs ain't got nothing on me and my Red Bull. I can honestly say i have never had more fun in my life and i have never been happier then i am now. I'm drunk on life now, and that's something that can't be bottled & drank to make your dreams come true.

So shout out to ALL my friends & family that have been cheering me on. Everyone that has been there for me the past two months has been nothing but AMAZING!! Y'ALL KNOW WHO YOU ARE!! And i am SO grateful for all the LOVE & support I have and so THANKFUL for all the opportunities i am given.

So who's ready to party? Cuz I sure am! Pass that non-alcoholic beer my way…. i'll still drink you under the table...

Cuz the way i feel, i'm strong enough to go to the club 
or the corner pub 
and lift the whole liquor counter up 
Cuz I'm raising the bar, 
i'd shoot for the moon but i'm too busy gazing at the stars 
i feel feel amazing i'm… not afraid.. 

Love y'all and cheers to being healthy & happy!! xoxo


  1. Well said and I really enjoyed reading this. Message me on FB if you ever want to make a new friend in the bay area and do something fun that doesn't center around drinking!

  2. Congratulations! One day, one hour at a time. Whatever it takes. I admire your courage and honesty to share your story. So incredibly important. I'm proud ofyou. :)

  3. Yay Amber! Just thought to pop in after losing track so long ago and so happy for you to see this post up. You've come a long way, good for you. Xo

  4. Found your blog through my buddy Dawn (aka Beauty Frosting) and just want to say congrats on your courage for posting this! You are definitely a BADASS! So is my hubs, and from watching his journey in sobriety, I can't recommend going to AA highly enough. He gained so much once he found the right group which took a few visits to various chapters. Sorry, don't mean to sound like the AA evangelist! Anyway, you're awesome. Glad I found your blog.