I came to LA to reinvent myself. Well not really reinvent myself, but to become the person i always wanted to be. I came to LA soon after my divorce had been finalized. I had spent my twenties working towards life I thought I wanted. I made big decisions early in my life. I got engaged when I was twenty one. Purchased a house when i was twenty two. Got married when i was twenty four. None of those decisions do I regret in anyway. I spent my time learning how to be an adult, traveling the world, and working on a career & my education. My twenties were amazing. But as time passed i realized, while i loved my life, I wanted more. It was when I was sick in the hospital that i began to realize i was not truly happy. And more importantly i was not being authentically me.
So when i made the move to LA two years ago i was determined to be ME. Which i aptly named the "new me" Amber MFing Lane. In some ways i became the complete opposite of the housewife / elementary school teacher i had been in my "previous life". But in all honestly i had never felt more me then i had ever felt. It was like a part of me that i had suffocated in my twenties was allowed to come back out & play.
Moving to LA gave me a place to be free, to learn to grow and express myself the way i always wanted to express myself.
Sure i made mistakes, but i learned from them. I stopped letting things get me down and i stopped listening to nay-sayers. And now that I am sober i have a clarity i have never had before. I've had to face a lot of fears when i decided to completely change my life path. Rebuilding isn't easy, but sure as hell is worth it. A change will aways do you do. Small or Major.
And when tough times faced me, i maned up. I came to terms and learned to enjoy solitude (which at times felt like loneliness). I listened & looked to signs from the universe when i felt unsure. And they were always there, letting my know i was truly on my yellow brick road.
When i felt like my world had no structure i made structure. I made a list of three things i had to do every single day:
1. Organize my life (starting with the small, making my bed everyday for example)
2. Have as many positive interactions with people as i possibly can (from saying hi to everyone i met, to saying yes to almost every invite i would get, and keeping in touch with my new & old friends).
3. Creating something (whether it be an instagram post, or attending Acting Classes) creativity makes me thrive
Whenever i felt lost, i concentrated on my list, and it always pushed me forward. I have learned that no matter the realm there will always be challenges. I was talking to my Dad the other day and was mentioning how i can't wait to have my House in The Hollywood Hills soon & have my own laundry machine. And he said, "well you have a lot more headaches when you own a house again." and I told I know there will challenges when owning a house but I'm in that realm I'll deal with them. Challenges don't spoil my dreams, they make them worth it. Life is never "perfect". It's just perfectly perfect in the moments when you are truly alive.
and I finally have learned to be happy with what you have in the moment. And I couldn't be happier now, living where i do focusing my creative energy on my dream and living in a city that so fully embraces that idea.
i love being in a city that is full of dreamers! Because no matter where you are in life, even when happy, content, or comfortable; savor the moment, but ALWAYS strive for more. Because, like i said before, a change will always do you good. Big or small. And dreaming is never a bad thing, and I'm never gonna stop dreaming.
So I'm gonna go LIVE my dream and kick off my last week of my second year in LA inna big way. Cuz let me just tell you my third year own is going to be MAJOR and I can't MFing wait for it.
Big shout out to ALL the amazing people i have met in my two years down here & to all that knew me before and supported me through this transition. I LOVE Y'ALL!!!
GO out and spread some LOVE , POSiTiViTY & DREAMS!! And follow go your Yellow Brick Road.